so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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