My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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