you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
