Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
