how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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