So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
