Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
