Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
