I wish I could teleport
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
