Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
