How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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