So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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