Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the condom got lost in my hair
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
