Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
