It was confusing and full of hummus
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
