I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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