I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
