Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He felt like a one man threesome
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
