wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I forgot wine drunk hurts
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
