his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
