it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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