oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
