I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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