Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
