Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
