I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
