this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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