good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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