I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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