All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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