he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
