he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
