im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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