Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
