U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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