so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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