I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
