Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
