Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
