dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Randomize
