Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize