the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
