don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
