Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
