Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
