lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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