I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
