sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
