who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
