I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
