the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
third nipple confirmed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
