we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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