Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just found a bag of teeth...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
