do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
