Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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