I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
