goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
