STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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