On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
