She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
