My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
