party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
