just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
how can u be prego again
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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