i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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