i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
