I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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