I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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