It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Randomize
