how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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